shelby's blog

LUNCH @ FISH & CO. WITH YANLING!



DINNER @ CREATION!!!





EAT UNTIL DAMN FULL!!! BUT HAPPY:) THANKS YAN~

cam whore photo 1!

deb shuffling!

jump shot again!

insist on taking!

murder crime shot!

love is in the air!

SMILE!

YOU!

me act cute >.<

tired already!

high again!

NG came in =)

thought that after i leave both of you may get along better
but it doesnt seems to be in this case
what causes this to happen?
and what is keeping inside you?
nobody will understand if you dont say it out
everybody is having a hard time here…not just you
always thinking about yourself and not others
he may disappoint you in many ways
but that is what married couple should do…
forgive and give in to others!
whatever that you are unhappy with, just say!
stop picking on others cause it does not solve the problem!
i just cant stop thinking how sorry i am to papa
could not be there for you…
if i lend you my listening ear…i will cry like siao…like now!
sometimes i just hate to listen to things like this
thats why i dont like to hear about your company stuff cause i will worry more
but i know everyone needs a listening ear
and im sorry that i always put my personal emotions in every time
the more i think about these the more i hate the person who make our family into the situation we are in now
God says that we should forgive others
but i cant promise God that i can do that!

because of sa kor’s call ystd…
we decided to go ah ma house today!
its been quite a while since the last time i went there
things changed again!
realized the house is getting emptier and emptier
suddenly felt that i should visit them often to spend time together with my aunts
really got a mixed feeling…
maybe this is the answer to my prayers
“get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. be kind and compassionate to another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”

HAPPY VALENTINES’ DAY!!!
해피발렌타인!!!
we were once so happy during the exact same date last year

http://leilockheart.tumblr.com

my favourite part 02:08
sometimes i always do this too
whatever you all say…i cant hear anything
keep pretending i didnt hear anything when actually i heard everything

super junior 잠들고 싶어 song was on replay in my itouch
walking towards ah ma house…looking at the place where we took our family photo last year…tears start to fall
didnt want to go there at first…thinking that no point going there anyway
but ah mei keep begging me to accompany her there
looking at the blue steps of the concourse…
remembering our smiles and laughters…
taking photos as a big family…
cant help thinking everything changed!
no more ah ma and ye ye…
lost one group of family…
relationships turned sour…
even macdonald has no twisty fries this year!!!

today the stress topic was about death…
didnt have much feelings at first when asked to write down our first experience of losing a loved one
but after listening to carissa’s experience…
i started crying too!
could not stop thinking about ah ma and ye ye
there are so many key words during the presentation that triggered my memories
waiting in the A&E area for ah ma and ye ye…
holding ye ye’s hands telling him he will be alright…
ah ma making a promise to me she will not pull out the tube again…
ah ma looking for me, calling my Christian name…
standing by ah ma’s bed, keep shaking it and asking her to wake up…
felt guilty not being there to say the last goodbye…
hospital became a regular place to handout…
there are so many things changed after they left
and i know there is nothing i can do to bring them back

shared with yo the other day about the problems faced after ah ma and ye ye left
something strikes me after she asks,”Then why your most important thing that you value is still family?”
then i realized that i didnt include my relatives under my family category at all
after the steamboat incident…i learned that there are alot of hypocrites around in ah ma house
and i tell myself that from that day onwards i will not do anything for this house anymore
the pain i experienced is enough!!!
i really dont need you this type of people to pour salt into my wounds!!!
therefore my sundays will be different cause i wont be going there…
not until i learn how to put these things down

finally i got the time to sit down and update my blog
at first i thought this year christmas was already quite bad
but im still anticipating the celebration with my LOVELIES!!!
even ask jerica in the morning whether i can take thursday half day off
but in the evening i receive a call from mei…
ah ma passed away!!! on 20/12/2010
yeye passed away on 19/11/2010
both of them must be really in love with each other
cause people say that those couple that really love each other
their date of death wont exceed 6 months
and ah ma and yeye date of death different by 1 month only
within a month i became a child without grandparents!
didnt really expect ah ma to go off like this…
we still planning how to take care of ah ma after she discharged from hospital
i still think of moving to ah ma house just to take care of her
but now everything is gone…ah ma house became very empty now
suddenly really missed those days that everybody go to ah ma house for gatherings
looking back at those old photos…i really feel very sad
and there is nothing i can do to retrieve all that memories
there will also be no chinese new year next year
so all my festival dates…i will be staying at home accompany my 小红
just like today!
HAPPY 2011 TO EVERYBODY!!! 爷爷，阿麽，小姑姑 新年快乐!!!

today also my last day of work in Starhub!
wanted to thank lots and lots of people who helped me along the way!
especially PEIJOO, LIPING, XUETING, AMINAH!
and im happy to meet the others too…
ROY, WESMOND, ANDREW AND XUEYI!!!
all of you really let me forget how sad i was for that two weeks
and made me feel happy and fun working in that company!
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH AND I WILL MISS YOU ALL!!! <3

this year christmas is not joyful at all
many things are happening one after another
keep thinking about them every night
will find myself crying to sleep
yesterday heard mama complaining to papa again
at this point of time…she still can complained that papa never let her eat good food
earlier she complained about me not buying present for her
i really got sicked of hearing these type of things
there is so many things to be worried about
and yet she’s here complaining about her sad life
cant she just think that she is very fortunate already
there is shelter and water for her
give her money to buy food everyday
what is not enough?!
i didnt ask money from her anymore
what more does she wants?!
feel like screaming at her just now
but i dont want our family to turn sour
li bei already like that…making our family so awkward
i dont want our small family to be like that too
i really hate to be an adult!!!