second week of school…

today the stress topic was about death…
didnt have much feelings at first when asked to write down our first experience of losing a loved one
but after listening to carissa’s experience…
i started crying too!
could not stop thinking about ah ma and ye ye
there are so many key words during the presentation that triggered my memories
waiting in the A&E area for ah ma and ye ye…
holding ye ye’s hands telling him he will be alright…
ah ma making a promise to me she will not pull out the tube again…
ah ma looking for me, calling my Christian name…
standing by ah ma’s bed, keep shaking it and asking her to wake up
felt guilty not being there to say the last goodbye…
hospital became a regular place to handout…
there are so many things changed after they left
and i know there is nothing i can do to bring them back

shared with yo the other day about the problems faced after ah ma and ye ye left
something strikes me after she asks,”Then why your most important thing that you value is still family?”
then i realized that i didnt include my relatives under my family category at all
after the steamboat incident…i learned that there are alot of hypocrites around in ah ma house
and i tell myself that from that day onwards i will not do anything for this house anymore
the pain i experienced is enough!!!
i really dont need you this type of people to pour salt into my wounds!!!
therefore my sundays will be different cause i wont be going there…
not until i learn how to put these things down

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